DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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