About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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