I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Oh god it's open bar.
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