i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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