I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
