My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
