normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
