I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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