Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
