THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize