Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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