no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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