She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
