Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
