My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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