I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
