Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
