Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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