Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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