That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just invented taco cereal.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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