You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
