Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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