Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You smell like stripper and shame
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We had to coat check the pizza.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
