i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
