there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
