His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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