Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
