what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
