I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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