let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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