can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
