O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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