he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
