I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize