I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
