There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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