Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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