escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
