mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
