I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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