just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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