I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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