a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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