Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
