..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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