The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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