I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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