Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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