How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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