"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Can't talk, ducks in the car
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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