did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
