i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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