Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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