After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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