Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
