Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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