Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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