Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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