Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
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